My ';true'; gender is what I say it is.
Transsexual people do not change genders, we change the body to match our gender.
Transsexual people are born with a brain-body mismatch, literally a female brain in a male body or vice-versa.
A person who's transitioned has transitioned their body TO their true gender.
Gender identity is inborn and unchangeable.... that's why we transition because living with a mismatch is quite a painful existence.
You want to cling to something that never was. Please educate yourself here:
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/T鈥?/a>
Pay special attention to the gender basics section.
We are under NO obligation to disclose our PRIVATE medical history. We will decide when, if ever, to share that PRIVATE information with.
The brain is the seat of human consciousness, not your genitals.
People are born transsexual and it's about time you accept that fact.
Edit: Cross-dressers and transsexual people are completely different groups and should not be grouped together in a question.
PJ: I have read through your website and know your history. I can understand why you feel the way you do. However, your experience is not the experience of others. You did what you could with your situation. Many of us were able to reshape our lives to a much greater extent. Our experience is different from yours. Not better, just different. You need to respect that difference. When you don't you come across as bitter.
And I didn't say I never disclose. I said I am not obligated to and I have the right to chose when and to whom I do. Obligation to me denotes shame and a capitulation to those who say we a mentally ill/deceptive/etc. They are wrong.Do you find it wrong to not reveal (upfront) your true/born gender to: dates or intimate partners?
If any transgendered person lies by omission to any potential partners they are definitely doing wrong.
It's unfortunate that when we are born we have our gender chosen for us, but at least we have the tools to do something about it.
The problem is that many people are not comfortable with it, and to enter a relationship without informing that person that you are not a natural born man/woman is wrong and can damage the person.
I'm not saying this because I am against transgendered people, in fact, for awhile I believed I was one. I'm saying this because I would never want that to happen to me. It's just something you can't skip over.Do you find it wrong to not reveal (upfront) your true/born gender to: dates or intimate partners?
My born gender is male, regardless of what parts I was born with.
I'd suggest first reading up on the difference between 'sex' and 'gender', and in addition, realizing just how limiting the biological definition of 'sex' is. (Is it hormones? Is it chromosomes? Is it genitalia?)
And NO. I don't find it wrong not to disclose private information like that. If I did, then I would be agreeing with the assertion that by presenting male and having female parts (or vice versa) is 'lying'-- which it's not. After all, if it's 'wrong' not to tell people what your ';real'; (vomit) sex is, then living as a transsexual is dishonest, and I refuse to believe that nonsense.
Do I think it's a -good- and -safe- idea to be upfront with your biological history? Of course, it keeps many transsexuals safe from harm and could save their life. But I find the idea that one -has- to tell in order to be 'honest' absolutely appalling. Choose for yourself, don't feel obligated by a cissexist society.
Yes, especially if you're intimate. It's not only wrong but dangerous for yourself, there are quite a lot of crazy people out there who are transphobic or homophobic, and might actually kill you (I have heard stories).
But I wouldn't mind dating a transsexual (as long as it's a man, and he's polite and a gentleman, and somewhat handsome (and not shorter than me, I'd prefer him to be taller than me)).
I find that most people can clearly perceive my TRUE/BORN gender (at least since I started my transition) without me needing to 'reveal' anything.
If you have an issue with that, you might find this interesting;
http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.鈥?/a>
a very good question. it is transphobic only to transphobes.
i think, like most things, there is more than just one answer. some people are just very selfish. they can only percieve things from their own perspective. this narcissism leads them to believe that their attitude is the only possible right one and any other is not valid. they see themselves as the authority on what everyone else's attitude is supposed to be. that is one reason for failing to disclose. they are not experienced enough with maintaining interpersonal relationships to have learned to respect their partners.
we see examples of these people right here in y/a.
another reason could be that some people deceive themselves into thinking that they have overcome their transsexualism....that they have gotten over it, cured it...fixed it. these people are only capable of perceiving things as single dimensioned they have a very narrow, embittered view of their transsexualism, they are ashamed of it, so they deny it....';i'm fixed now, no longer transsexual.';
we see them here as well.
a transsexual living in today's world, the real world, who has come to terms with her transsexuality would find it impossible to even get close to intimacy with another person without talking about her transsexualism. it's like any other huge part of her history.
if one had graduated from harvard she wouldn't say...well, that's my history and i'm not required to tell....that would be silly...at some point during the ';getting to know each other'; period that would surely come up. if these transsexuals had accepted themselves as they tell others they have....here in this anonymous forum....it would come up in their discussions too.
transsexualism is not just some little thing that happened and we just forgot about it. it's a very big thing in this society, widely misunderstood and provokes very powerful emotions in most people. not acknowledging that to a potential partner is a lot like the ostrich burying her head in the sand....hoping that what she doesn't see is not really there. it's still there and it will always be the 800 lb gorilla hiding in the closet for those who refuse to talk about it....and one day it will get loose and there will be serious consequences.
there is no good reason for not disclosing your transsexualism to a potential partner.
just my opinion. much love and hope. pj
hi leah: i think you just said it all when you can view telling or not telling as an ';obligation';. as long as you view it as something that you have to decide whether or not to talk about, it tells me you haven't come to terms. if you had, you would have no more regard for talking about your transsexualism %26lt;especially with a potential partner%26gt; then you would..as in my illustration...about where you went to school. you wouldn't consider as to whether you were obligated or not....you just would. you wouldn't decide whether or not to talk about it, to me when you recognize it as a ';decision'; that has to be made...you are regarding it as something you may choose to ';hide'; or not to hide. to me...it just is...i don't see ';hiding';, or not disclosing as a decision to be made...there is no reason to not disclose.
but even if you put it in terms of an obligation, then yes....all the more reason to disclose. if all the people in our society had come to terms with transsexualism, then it might not ever come up...but that isn't the case. many people find us to be complete frauds. i disagree with them, but that doesn't change them, and i have no right to impose my perceptions on others. i have a right to share my own, and to make every argument against what i percieve as wrong perceptions...but i have no right to impose my views. i have no right to answer the question for another...';would i make love with a transsexual?'; i, and as long as the world is as it is, have the right only to make that decision for myself.
by the same token, i don't think you have that right either. you have the right to make it for yourself, and that makes it entirely valid for you....but you don't have the right to make it for another....if you leave that out of your history....it speaks for itself.
when i say, you decieve yourself, i understand that to you it may very well be something that you believe is not important enough to talk about....but you must not assume it is that to others, the odds are overwhelming that it would be an issue to another...be it a good thing, a bad thing or something inbetween, i think we see all around us clear evidence that most people would view it as a big thing...their views have to be respected....until we, ourselves, convince them otherwise.
and....please....everytime someone asks a question that seems petty to you don't just up and holler ';transphobia'; at them. transphobia is a real and tangible thing, ignorance of what we consider ';proper language'; or insight doesn't make transphobia.....this is a place where people should expect to be able to ask questions and get honest and thoughtful answers...not just get nailed on periferial issues. i think you turn people away from understanding when you undermine their curiosity right out of the gate.
thank you. and these are just my attitudes, you, of course, are welcome to your own.
leah: you read through my website? pretty good trick...since i don't have a website.
have a nice day.
dates not on the first date and intimate partner yeah its important i would definetly like to know ahead of time in case some medical issues come up or we try to have a family
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